10 Times I Was Unhinged on Hinge

By Leslie Quan

Disclaimer: This article is not sponsored by Hinge and my presence on this app is purely for fun (because I quite frankly give up). Everything I've shared below is not meant to be taken seriously. I genuinely believe that it's okay to be a little unhinged on Hinge—you gotta spice life up a lil bit amirite?

1. Commented "the hawk will never die" on every person's profile who attended Villanova University.

There's really not much to elaborate on here. Saint Joseph's University > Villanova University. I don't make the rules here. Go hawks.

2. Called guys "homie," "bro," and "bruh."

I personally think that these are terms of endearment, but this is probably the biggest invite into the friend-zone. That's not always such a bad thing, right?

3. Messaged seven guys all at once if they wanted to hangout.

Okay, hear me out on this one. If you think about it, dating apps are an interesting place where two people are like, "yeah, I'm slightly interested in getting to know you more." Why not lean into this a little bit and see who's really down to hang? Even if it's just to make a new friend, you know?

4. Indulged in a conversation with a guy about his obsession over Chicken Joe from the movie Surf's Up.

He had a 30-second voice memo about how awesome Chicken Joe is. What was I supposed to do? Hit the X? Naw. 

5. Argued with a guy about how a hotdog is not a sandwich.

No one says, "Let me hit up a sandwich," only to go get a hotdog. I will let him live his truth, but he is wrong.

6. Put a photo on my profile of an activity card box called "50 Sweet Things To Do On A Date" and captioned it "@ every man i've spoken to — this is only $4 at barnes & noble today come claim this shit."

This one was probably a little bit too unhinged but I did receive a message from a guy who said, "Damn is it that bad out here." Yes, and I have nothing more to say about that.

7. Replied to a "Let's debate this topic: Hoagie vs. Sub" prompt with "hoagie — if u dont agree ur for the streets."

He never got back to me so I can only imagine that he's currently eating a hoagie in the streets.

8. Received a message on a picture of me holding dumbbells that said, "I see you're a gym rat," to which I replied, "i dont go to the gym bc i get ripped at home."

Your girl can't afford the gym so five-pound weights at home will have to do in the meantime.

9. Asked a guy out for waffles and said we could split the bill after he told me he'd be unemployed for the next month. He said that it's fine and he could cover it to which I replied, "oh bet im boutta eat the most expensive waffles in philly."

I'm still taking recommendations for places with the most expensive (or best-tasting) waffles in Philly. Please and thank you, I love waffles.

10. Matched with a guy whose bio said, "a complex mind." When he didn't send me a message I said, "a complex mind can't think of anything to say." He unmatched me immediately after that. 

His mind was too complex for words, and humor, I guess.

As you can imagine, I never went on a date with any of the guys I've mentioned here. Am I usually this unhinged on Hinge? Absolutely not. Although sometimes I do come across profiles that warrant this sort of out-of-pocket behavior. However, the most important thing I've learned from being on the dating apps is not to take myself or the other person too seriously. It definitely makes the experience much more fun that way. 

Now, I'm sure all of you are dying to ask me, "Leslie, will you ever stop being unhinged on Hinge? It clearly isn't working for you." Well, I think the answer to that is quite simple—

No.

Thank you for reading. The Vodka Waffle Party is a passion project of mine and I make $0 from all the articles I post here. If you would like to make a monetary contribution to my blog, my Venmo is @LeslieQuan. Otherwise, keep doing you, keep making art, and remember to never settle for anything less than you deserve.