22-Year-Old Goes on Her First Date Ever

By Leslie Quan

SAN FRANCISCO, California — Wearing a black halter top tucked into a pair of thrifted, high-waisted, army green jeans, Leslie, 22, slipped on her black sandals (making sure the velcro wasn't fastened too tightly around her ankle) and slung her crossbody purse over her head. With one last look in the mirror, Leslie headed off to her first date ever.

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty nervous," Leslie said. "The last time I felt this nervous was when I had five minutes left for my AP Chemistry exam and realized I accidentally skipped two whole pages."

In the back of an Uber, Leslie's heart rate spiked to a whopping 100 bpm. The average resting heart rate for a woman her age is around 70 bpm. Based on this data, it seems as though Leslie was experiencing something known as "stress."

"I'm not stressed. I am so fine," Leslie's voice quivered a bit. "Is it hot in here? I feel like I can't breathe. This seat belt must be on too tight. Can we open a window?"

With one mile until she reached the restaurant, Leslie thought about making a run for it. She barely finished a half marathon in the spring, so it was certainly possible she could run back to her friend's apartment. Although the thought faded once she realized some uphill running would be involved.

"I like to run for fun. I love running in parks, around neighborhoods, through grassy fields, away from first dates, but I didn't, this time, because I wasn't wearing my Saucony's, obviously."

Once she got out of the car and saw her date, Leslie felt the evening breeze cool her very warm and very flushed cheeks. 

"Before today I was looking up how to greet a first date and someone said not to greet them with a handshake. Thank god I read that because I would have greeted my date like the end of a business transaction."

While it seemed as though Leslie was having a nice time, laughing and smiling quite frequently, which tends to be a good sign for a first date, she actually wanted some alone time with the butternut squash soup.

"Every time I tried to eat some of my butternut squash soup, my date would ask me a question to which I put down my spoon and answered promptly," Leslie said. "At one point I even asked him to explain, in detail, what a normal day at work for him is like. That spared me a few minutes to shovel down a few spoonfuls of butternut squash."

The date wasn't going well but it wasn't going poorly either. With butternut squash in her stomach, Leslie and her date went on a walk to a nearby dog park.

"He told me there are usually a lot of dogs running around the park, but when we got there, there was only one dog," Leslie said. "Disappointment comes in many forms, and that was one of them."

Once Leslie and her date parted ways, she felt a wave of relief and a pressing desire to lie in a dark room curled up in a ball.

"As an introvert, that date was a lot for me. I usually spend my days solemnly staring out the window and writing poetry by candlelight, so I felt like I went from zero to a hundred in a matter of a few hours," Leslie said. "I think I'm gonna need about 5 to 7 business days to recover from that."

When asked if she had any other future dates planned, Leslie unfurled herself from the carpet, put her sandals on and left the building, expressionless and without uttering a single word. A note was left behind in her place on the floor.

"5 to 7 business days."

Thank you for reading.