10 Miles to Gather My Thoughts

This was originally posted on my Instagram story (@leslie_quan).

1:52 p.m.

On my run today I will:

I. Reflect on the meaning of friendship and cultivating fulfilling relationships.

II. What my inclination towards recklessness is telling me about my current mental state and what constructive next steps are necessary.

III. When forms of escapism take root in the mind, being honest with myself about what I'm really trying to avoid.

I will share thoughts and considerations after I finish my run.

4:17 p.m.

After 10 miles, I am no wiser than when I started, but it definitely helped me put some things into perspective:

I. Friendships and all types of relationships are formed to help us grow and provide support for our hopes and dreams. Not everyone is meant to stay (no matter how much you want them to), but everyone is meant to teach you something about yourself, you just have to be conscious of it.

II. I think self-contained recklessness (at least for me) hints at a lack of uncertainty in what I find to be fulfilling and what brings me pure joy. Constructive next steps include not taking myself too seriously and enjoying what is happening right now (i.e. spending time outdoors, being active and seeing friends).

III. Admittedly, running is a form of escapism, and that's not always a bad thing until your form of escapism harms yourself and/or others. Honestly, I'm trying to avoid seeing myself holistically—in a positive light—because it's easier to condemn and criticize myself into submission. But I am aware of and actively working against those thoughts.

These are my honest considerations of what I set out to think about today on my run. Nothing is easy and everything takes a little patience and I'm learning to accept that even on days when I find excuses to resist the truth. I find that taking a deep breath is a good place to start and then reaching out to someone who cares about you.

Thank you for reading.