An Open Letter to My Freshman-Year Self

By Leslie Quan

Dear Freshman-Year Leslie,

First of all—congratulations—you made it to your senior year unscathed. (Well, there may have been a few casualties, but we made it either way.) Second of all, please stop taking those Mastering Biology homeworks so seriously and maybe go watch a movie or something on your Friday night.

I know you intended to major in environmental science and graduate as some sort of tree-hugging, sea-turtle-saving, climate change advocate trying to save our planet, but guess what? That doesn't end up happening. You change your major twice and end up studying something that you're not even 100% on board with (which is okay).

At the end of your freshman year, you'll consider transferring to another college because you've wedged yourself into a space that's left you more confused than you've ever felt before. However, you don't end up transferring because, when you reflect on your first two semesters of college, you realize that you actually made some really close friends who have been gracious enough to keep up with your turbulent anxiety.

Even though your first year maybe didn't go as smoothly as you would have liked, don't be disappointed. You do end up finding things along the way that you love.

Somehow you end up playing ice hockey and meet a group of amazing girls whose reciprocating joy after you scored your first goal made you feel the happiest you've ever felt in a long time. You also find your way to the SJU Community Garden where you discover serenity while picking green beans.

It doesn't end there though. You know how you aren't confident in your writing and how you hate when people read and edit your work? Well, you learn to overcome all of that on the day that you decide to attend an interest meeting for The Hawk Newspaper. Now multiple people read and edit your work and they don't criticize you the way you feared they would.

You're probably stressing out about this right now, but I want you to stop having anxiety over who you will become or what you will end up doing in the future. It's not doing you any good except sucking the life out of you. As your future self who is starting my senior year of college in four days, I can say with complete honesty that you still won't know what you want to do with your life.

After telling yourself year after year that it's okay to not know what you want after college, this truth will slowly become more of a lie as you approach May 2022.

Over these next few years, you'll experience sadness, disappointment, guilt, anxiety, stress, confusion and a myriad of other emotions that will eat you up on the inside. Even though I'm still working on it now, you have to be brave, seek out your own happiness, and take some of that weight off of your shoulders.

While I wish you knew what I know now, at the end of the day, I know everything will work itself out.

Godspeed,
L.Q.